Beer Science

Here's a sentence I'm overjoyed to have need to write - I've been holding blind beer taste tests at work lately.

About every two months or so, I put on a lab coat and compose a series of verbose and urbane emails about how taste testing beer is the only way we are going to propel humanity into a suitably progressive future. I ramble on a bit about how Science (always capitalized) is an unstoppable collective effort, and how "[it's] hobbled without the fervent participation of a gang of dedicated adherents such as all of you. Together we will heave back the leaden curtain of ignorance and complacency, and reveal a gilded world of knowledge and progress rolling out to the horizon before us." And so on.

This all started during a party at my apartment building here in san Francisco. Most people were drinking beer that evening, and one guy in particular was drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon, the hipster beer of choice. Someone gave him a hard time about drinking a beer that was so simultaneously lauded and abhorred, and he shot back, "Man, if you took the labels off this and a high-priced Pilsner, no one would be able to tell the difference." I took that as a challenge and set up a taste-test.

As I recall, it was PBR vs Bud Light vs Stella Artoi vs Tsingtao vs Coors vs some craft brewed pils (can't remember that last one). I set up six cups labeled 'A' through 'F', and made score sheets on which people could record their impressions of the beers on a scale of 0-5. Someone made some pizza, and there were salted nuts there as well, so it wasn't the most scientific thing ever, but it was a good time. In the end, PBR ended up dead last and, somewhat surprisingly, Tsingtao came out on top. Myth Busted, as they say - PBR truly does suck ass.

Fast forward a couple of months to my Creative Director and his buddy enjoying a few cans of Tecate in the kitchen at work. Someone gave my CD a hard time about Tecate being gross, and he said, "Man, if you took the labels off this and a high-priced Mexican beer, no one would be able to tell the difference."

And that is how Beer Science was born. The first challenge was Mexican Lagers (titled the 'Mexican Standoff', of course), but the idea caught on well in the office, and there have been four more 'testing sessions' since then: Stouts, IPAs, Belgians, and Asian Lagers. I approach these 'tests' in a more stringent fashion than I did the initial PBR test; donning a lab coat, upgrading the scale to 1-10, not allowing food other than water crackers to accompany the beer until the testing is done, &c. I've even made a spreadsheet on which to tabulate the results, which I then disseminate among the entire office as soon after testing as I am able. It's a lot of fun, and a good excuse to get the whole office together sample a little brew.

What were the results of all these taste tests, you ask? Well, here you go:


Mexican Stand-off

1 - Corona
2 - Modelo Especial
3 - Tecate/Pacifico Claro (tie)
4 - Dos Equis
5 - Sol

Stout Science

1 - Young's Double Chocolate Stout
2 - Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout
3 - Sam Smith's Oatmeal Stout
4 - Sierra Nevada Stout
5 - Murphy's Stout
6 - Guinness Stout


IPA Inquisition

1 - Sierra Nevada Torpedo 'Extra' IPA
2 - Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA
3 - Speakeasy Big Daddy IPA
4 - Lagunitas IPA
5 - Stone Brewery IPA
6 - New Belgium Ranger IPA


Abbey Inquisition (Belgian Ales)

1 - Chimay
2 - Blue Moon
3 - Fin du Monde
4 - New Belgium Abbey
5 - Duvel
6 - Saison Dupont

Asian Persuasion

1 - Tiger (Singapore)
2 - Saigon (Vietnam)
3 - Tsingtao (China)
4 - Kingfisher (India)
5 - Singha (Thailand)
6 - Sapporo (Japan)

What does the future hold for Beer Science, you ask? Probably a Red Ale, then a Pale Ale, then a Porter, but who can know these things? I usually let people vote on what they'd like to taste before I set up a Beer Science, but once we are through all the normal beers I'll have to get creative. In any case, the journey is the destination, is it not? Yes, it is...